What mediation is doing for me is allowing me to pause, examine and decide my reactions and actions before they emerge from me. In some instances I am now able to change what I allow out. Sometimes I am even able to synchronise what emerges with what I really feel. At any rate, I am satisfied even in cases without this synchronization that I have still left happier people around me and less regret within me.
I know this may feel unnatural, mechanical, boring, controlled and dry. It may seem like I am eliminating all spontaneity and spirit from my personality. But two facts support my belief in this path. The first is that I invariably experience peace and happiness after the event and very rarely regret the positive expression. The second is that I have faith that ultimately my feeling, thought and expression will become the same in most cases. That will be a blessed advance for this incompletely evolved creature and something worthwhile to offer the world.
Especially for this I am very lucky to have discovered meditation, even if later in life than ideal.